A narcissistic person is usually so focused on themselves that they simply can’t consider the needs of anyone else. This makes it very difficult to work with them on negotiations when you’re going through a divorce and you have to consider issues like child custody, support and the division of the marital assets.
If you’re in this position, you may soon find that you’re having trouble making progress. This is because narcissists tend to approach every situation as if it were “all or nothing.” If they don’t get exactly what they want, they figure, neither should anybody else.
So how do you manage this kind of situation? These three tips could save your sanity when you’re divorcing a narcissist:
Keep detailed records
You should keep records of everything that goes on related to your finances, your children and your communications with your spouse. This includes things like payments you make on bills and what things you do with the children. It’s a good idea to keep a written account of what happens (but remember that things like diaries might be read in open court) so that you can easily pull out the evidence you may need to catch you ex in a lie.
Don’t put the kids in the middle
Your kids shouldn’t ever feel as though they’re having to choose one parent over the other. Let them know that it’s okay to love both parents. By the same token, don’t allow your ex to put the kids in the middle of the fray. Insist that communications be handled directly or through your attorneys at all times.
Put your emotions in check
Finally, a narcissist lives to get a reaction out of their targets. The more you reveal about your emotional state — including your fears, what makes you angry or your major concerns — the more your ex will try to use those feelings to manipulate you. Deprive them of ammunition by cultivating a carefully blank expression when they’re around.
Talk to your attorney about the situation. They can help you to learn the options you have so you can make an informed decision about your divorce and any custody issues.